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Lá ’le Pádraig!




Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh!

home

I'm home from the hospital. No abscess. Just tonsillitis and an ear infection. I'm on steroids, antibiotics, and narcotic pain killers. It's good to be home, and eating solid food again.

woman gives me chills www.whitebirdsep.com

I'd like to hold you close make you feel safe not so afraid of yourself. If we have to part so it shall be. I'd like to help you suffer less not be so locked up in your thoughts. Afraid of love and all under the sun.

I'll hide out in your space. Emptiness on my face. I'll be keeping you safe when you're cold and alone. 'Till you come out and play.

I'd like to know you more. Tell you you're fine even though you're not. When you worry so much it makes me want to cry. Fragile like the leaves come fall: red, yellow, gold, I love them all. I guess it's just the way we love.

I'll hide out in your space. Emptiness on my face. I'll be keeping you safe when you're cold and alone. 'Till you come out and play.

Here I am I don't wanna come out. Null to the bone I don't wanna come out. I've been dead and I wanna come out. Call my name 'cause I wanna come out. Here I am and I wanna come out. Null to the bone I don't wanna come out. I've been dead and I wanna come out. Call my name' cause I wanna come out.

I'll hide out in your space. Emptiness on my face. I'll be keeping you safe when you're cold and alone. 'Till you come out and play.

Here I am I don't wanna come out. Null to the bone I don't wanna come out. I've been dead and I wanna come out. Call my name 'cause I wanna come out. Here I am and I wanna come out. Null to the bone I don't wanna come out. I've been dead and I wanna come out. Call my name' cause I wanna come out.

I'll hide out in your space. Emptiness on my face. I'll be keeping you safe when you're cold and alone. So come out and play.

Sarah Fimm - Afriad

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growing at my age?

So, I'm nearly 25....yet somehow apparently I am an inch taller.

It was a matter of epic debate between me and a few people actually, so finally I decided to put a tape measure to the wall and take a picture of me standing directly next to it barefoot. Sure enough, they were right I was wrong. I am no longer a smidge (like 1/8th an inch) under 5'7". I'm a smidge (1/4 an inch) over 5'8" if you took the photo at face value but I deduct a little for the top of my head is closer to the camera than the tape measure so probably more like 5'8".

WTF? I was actually hoping on shrinking. I actually THOUGHT I might have shrunk. Because I like to wear high heels...a lot, and it's very difficult to be amazon sized when you are out with people. It makes you feel kind of freakish.

And then one of my friends was like "Well at the beginning of the day you are taller 'cause your spine hasn't compressed yet" and I just freaked out even more because....well...I hadn't slept or really laid down [since last night] yet! Ugh. I just want to be a little less huge feeling all the time.

wow

I guess my insides have been showing on the outside a little bit too much.

Even though it should be plainly obvious to everyone that there is no way I can actually up and leave this place anytime soon, that I have to stick around here for my dad, that I'm pretty much anchored here till further notice....

all of my friends seem to be deadly afraid I'm never going to come back home from this trip.

It kind of pisses me off, because I have to assure them that I am coming home over and over and over again. That I have no means of moving. That even if I had the money to start the life I really want and dream about it couldn't happen right now. And frankly I don't want to have to keep saying that. I know that I'm stuck here. I know that my life is STUCK. I know I have zero future where I am, can't peruse any kind of freedom. The only things that this place holds for me are heartache and emptiness. I have a job that I have to do here and I do it. It's nothing amazing and it's stressful as hell but I have to do it. Every day that I wake up I know I don't really belong here. Here I'm the girl you don't take home to mom (even though I'm more qualified for 'wifey' material than 90% of the fake-o traditional girls around this place). Here I get looked at funny, and here I feel like crap.

I know this. But I'm here, and I have to make the best of it. I have to try to stay sane because my dad needs me here. So instead of getting all mad that I don't like it here, and freaking out because I'm getting a break and giving me shit for it, I really wish everyone would just shut the hell up. Let me take a week off.

I just want to breathe. My emotions are shot. I feel completely alone. My heart feels just about paper thin right and I just want to get the hell away from here for a while. Is that really so bad?